Thought I'd put a little of why I'm here on this farm and the love of life I have today. May be boring to you.....may be interesting....
Growing up I had a major love of horses,I would ride with my dearest friend Sarah. They did barrel racing, cutting and reining and showmanship. Two beautiful quarter horses..Chip and Jolass (joe' lass). Their basement was full of pictures, ribbons and trophy's.
One of my most fondest memories growing up!
Sarah, and Chip put that fire in my heart for riding and horses.
I also had always dreamed of having a farm, complete with horses, chickens, goats, llamas, sheep, whatever critter I could get my hands on! Nope cows were not on my list, they scared the heck out of me then and for many years, well until I met Norm and learned about cows. My aunt had tried for a long time to get Norm and I together. Being young and dumb, which lasted many years, I figured my aunt knew nothing about what I liked in a boy! LOL (was I ever wrong!) Long story short- I had many failed relationships that sidetracked me from my dreams. I have many regrets, wrong turns in my journey, but also a lot of good memories and experiences too. I have love and lost that out of immaturity, pride, and a severely hurt heart. (not being a martyr or a whiner just honest)
I've known Norm for a while now before we got together and again I thought I knew best, and put him aside. (SORRY for my stupidity Norm!) Anyhoo...I met Norm later in life, he helped me out in a hard time, and we began as friends that quickly built into having my best friend. Our relationship eventually blossomed and here we are today. I've lived on the farm now just shy of 2 years, and I knew NOTHING about farming AT ALL. However my enthusiastic love of animals made me so eager to learn all I can, kept me hanging on every word! I'm no dummy - made good grades in school, went to magnet and traditional schools for the smart kids (but ended up graduating from the school at the bottom of the pile due to my parents break up and moving.) I'm pretty smart when it comes to animals..learning all I could along the way growing up. (nope not bragging) I just had a passion for them. I rehabilitated a few wild wild and injured birds, and stray cats and dogs later in life. I felt so much satisfaction in able to help something that could not help itself.
Back to the farm. Hanging on every word has benefited me a lot, but I have SO much more to learn! I'm just in farming -kindergarten, only living on the farm just shy of 2 years. . Norm however has been doing this his entire life, first riding a tractor with his Pap at a few months old, and at the age of 10 running and cropping with a tractor. he had always helped out with the cattle.
The things I have written about are the very things I have learned in in my life. Sometimes I have to ask him about a subject when it comes to farming that I've talked about to fill in the gaps of what I've learned. I'm truly blessed to be on the right track, with the one I should have always been with, doing what I love, and being right with God, letting him guide me and direct me being by my side the whole time. So many years I've not listened to God, traveled on my own. But I do see that those major errors in life have made my faith stronger, my life richer now because I appreciate what I have with Norm and my life. They were a wake up call to me. I'm very proud of where I've come and the bad choices I've learned from. No sense in dwelling on the past - I'm forgiven, I am a Christian, I do walk with God and without saying I do now listen and pray for direction and protection. But along the way I have lost trust with my decisions and stupid choices, I've burned bridges and closed doors, with some in my life.
But as they say - What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
I used to worry myself sick over the embarrassment and what people think of me. But I have finally figured out that the me today, is different than the me of the past...my past did make me who I am...but it does not define me...and those who pretend to know me and judge me on my past do not matter or worry me anymore. I have stared new and I do every day when I wake up. Love me or Hate me..which ever is fine with me. I know where I am today. God knows where I am too...he is the ONLY one I have to answer too, not you who judge. The bible talks about the plank in your eye when judging someone....malicious intent to tear down and destroy someone....judgement...wicked ways to those who do so. It covers Self Righteousness....I'm not going to quote scripture I'm not a bible pusher...but if you want I'll lay them out. The bible also talks about forgiveness...a true and humble Christian knows this...and lives this daily...they strive to be Christ like during they're journey. We all have sinned, we all have skeletons in our closet's, we all are ashamed of things we have done, we all fall from grace. I was active and dedicated to the church growing up - my life was built around Christian people and learning. I have always had a strong foundation. My father was a deacon in the church (boy is that a long story - that useless man definitely fell from grace and continues to do so to this day, we'll go into that another time, but again its helped mold me..but I've tried to forgive. I'm not there yet, but I do pray that one day I will be. My step father is a Christian preacher. How could I have gone wrong with anything in my life with that upbringing? Well as I said we all fall from grace. I'm human after all. I know people who have been where I have, and not had a christian upbringing, who today are not humble, they are judging, self righteous, and like to think they are better than me....what do they think makes them so different? Those attempts are lower than I choose to go. Poke me, prod me, antagonise me, judge me..I really don't care one bit...it is amusing that they continue to follow my every step...envy? Ahhh who cares. Its true that childhood saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. A person is determined by their actions and not words.
I've had a lot of bumps in the road as you now see (for those who don't know me as well) , its an uphill battle for those who don't walk with Christ. Cancer almost destroyed me emotionally and mentally. Set fear into my life like I'd never experienced. I was ashamed of my past.
But today I am closer every day to reaching the summit of that hill, my faith is stronger, and my confidence has returned. I'm not afraid to fight for what I have. Yet I feel no need to explain myself to those who judge me. Again I dont answer to you. I pray daily for forgiveness of the sins of the day, protection for my family that I love, Thanking for where I am, and have come from. Thanking him for the special love in my life whom I pray that we will grow old together sitting on the porch swing watching grandchildren enjoy the land I've come to love. My roots have finally been planted....and again I have that strong foundation back into my life.
So thats who I am - in a nut shell. I dont pretend to know everything there is about life, farming, etc....I have so many exciting things to learn every day. Wonderful experiences ahead of me. The stability I've longed for.
I am me....nothing else, a woman who has made a long journey and has learned a lot along the way. I am stronger, more faithful, and secure...I am happy and for once in my life, I have found contentment, commitment, and a lasting true love.
Take it for what it is...continue to dwell on the past and let it waste your own time by worrying about me, policing me...however I prefer quality friendships, those who love me, help keep me on the straight and narrow, and are humble in their daily lives...my friends here I surround myself with who are good people, those here in cyber world are examples of that beautiful quality I choose to have in my life!
Thats me. No more no less. Just going along like anyone else in life, nothing special or extra ordinary. I am who I am.