Monday, January 12, 2009

Fencing Lesson 101 - 26 useful tips! *(or not)*

Lesson 1: Tire rims are no use for putting up a fence. However they do make a handy dandy stand for your fencing tools.....cows will appreciate you taking care of your tools.
Lesson 2: Tractor buckets are handy for carrying everything you need. Cattle like for you to be efficient on the job.
Lesson 3 : In winter mud use 4 wheel drive, otherwise cows will get a big kick out of you getting your truck stuck up to the fender well. That is not good.
Lesson 4: Have a masked helper keep an eye out for bovines that wish to destroy your newly put up fence.
Lesson 5: Be prepared to have gawking stares from the younger bovine....yes they think you are stupid.
Lesson 6: It is necessary to have an audience of calves, if not, you cannot perform your duties properly.
Lesson 7: Take a picture of your muck boots before entering the bovines will be the last time you can see them through the mud and poo...the bovine plan this to keep you away...dont let them foil you!
Lesson 8: The masked helper is on the bovines side...he is a terrorist (Yes Liz I have one too!) He has had his pockets lined by the new bovine.
Lesson 9: Always be prepared to have a pretty look on your face when said masked helper has your camera....the calves will take this photo for future enjoyment..probably pooing on it.
Lesson 10: who says you have to do anything the hard way when there is a perfectly good tractor to do the hard work for you, the calves will appreciate laughing at you from a distance if you try this! Trust me....we hoomans are the best entertainment to cattle.
Lesson 11:Do not take pictures of nerds trying to work, it will just amuse you to the point of no return and your laughter will not easily fade, there is much work to be done, do not fall into this temptation.
Lesson 12: Always have a masked helper around to give you a thumbs up, this will assure the calves that you do know what you are doing after all. Make sure the thumbs up is in clear view of all calves or they will argue about who did and didn't see the thumbs up signal!
Lesson 13: Calves must be aware that they are now the landlord and your eviction days are over, it is there job to clear out any unwanted pesky groundhogs. They wont like this, but dont take no for an answer!
lesson 14: Be sure to clear all unsightly trees from the paddock, female calves prefer flowers lining their fence rows!
Lesson 15: Yes miracles do happen occasionally....
Lesson 16: fences are a farmers friend...calves and cows see it as the enemy and they will promptly hate you as soon as they find out it is there.....
Lesson 17: Always have an audience to tell you what your doing wrong.
lesson 18: Dont forget to keep an eye out for interesting finds..such as this:
If anyone knows what kind of buggy thing made this rather large cocoon,
PLEASE tell me!!! It was about 2" long 1" in diameter.
Lesson 19: ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS have someone on hand who knows what they are doing, like the boss cow, she is full of useful information you may need to know...dont be afraid to ask, she will be willing to give you her opinion, and probably will even if you dont ask her!
Lesson 20: Sometimes you have to wade through a lot of poo to find a dropped fencing tool, calves think this is extremely funny and will try to amuse themselves with this very careful!
Lesson 21: ALWAYS wear your muck boots in the winter...or you get a shoe full of mud and give each cow a good laugh at you as you try to unstuck yourself from the goo.
Lesson 22: Close off all escape hatches from calves...or you will be spending a full day separating 73 cows from 20 calves! NOT FUN! Calves think that it is fun to run from you, their favorite game!
Lesson 23:Work until the sun goes down, or finished - which ever is last! Lesson 24: ALWAYS enjoy the view out of your office window!
Lesson 25: Walk softly and carry and big stick....oh no sorry not that one, Always try to stay on solid land or the masked helper may get swallowed in mud and disappear into the cold abyiss right before your eyes!
Lesson 26: Be careful when you download your pictures from the camera because you may end up doing something to loose the last 15 pictures that were taken!!! Like the one of my calf Oliver eating my glove off of my hand!!!! *WHINE* That may have been my last photo op with him!!!


  1. I pretty sure I heard the Ramer's cattle mooing about the silly Hoomans on the other side of the fence. Those bovines sure are gossipy heifers.

  2. Its a trickle effect Mari...ours tell the Ramers, Ramers tell Preists cattle, they in turn tell the buffalo and we all know what gossips THEY are!!!! life in a small town everyone know what your doing at all times! And Hoomans think other hoomans are bad gossips! HA! *whatever!* We wont even get into the dogs...Levi is the worse...passing info to get my drift!

  3. Brilliant!!!!
    This should be made into a book - or a calendar or something. It certainly amused this farm for some time. Fantastic!

  4. In winter it gets really really boggy and wet here too, apparently underneath our town somewhere there's a hidden spring or lake which is why it doesn't dry out much. You'll be glad when spring comes along :-)

  5. LOL Thanks Weaver! i have fun when I do my farm lessons! LOL I'm really glad that you liked it! :-D
    YES Amy I cannot wait until winter gets here! These cows and tractors make it so muddy around here and now we are getting down into the single digits this week...I HATE WINTER! LOL
    By the way guys...are my posts showing as updating on your blogs yet? I've been trying to get help in the discussion group - somethings broken, and so far the "blog doctor" has given me suggestions that doesnt work...I'm so aggrivated! maybe I'll get it fixed one day! Anyone know of a better way to get help from google??


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